GPS Superintendent Christina Kishimoto’s Secret Farewell Memo, 2016

Gilbert Public Schools logo - S.H.I.T. Happens HereAs the calendar pages of 2016 fall away, many people look back with fondness and conjure up excitement and resolutions for the new year. The superintendent of Gilbert Public Schools can’t seem to do that, because events of 2016 crashed some of her greatest dreams … dreams of her *national reputation* as a reformy public school administrator destined for *greatness* on a national stage, like the US Department of Education where John B. King, Jr., a fellow education reformer from the Bronx, managed to Peter Principle his way to the top for a short time.

Christina Kishimoto was downright melancholy when she we penned her secret elegy to Her Three Votes on the GPS governing board, likely because she is losing her BFF, former board president Lily Tram, who was kicked off the board by the unwashed masses electorate that Kishimoto so despises. 

Click here for your personal copy of Christina Kishimoto’s secret memo, which isn’t *really* from Kishimoto. It’s a parody, made up by Westie’s clever brains.
[Keyboard: Couldn’t you tell from the GPS Logo? S.H.I.T. Happens Here!]

Secret Memo to GPS Governing Board Members Lily Tram, Jill Humpherys, Charles Santa Cruz
BCC: Alex Nardone, GPS Chief of Staff
Subject: The Superintendent’s Fond Farewell to Board President Tram

Board members,

It is with exquisite sadness that we bid ado adieu to Lily Tram. Lily faithfully served my interests as your superintendent since July 2014. We’ve been through alot some interesting times together, and Lily always had my back.

Just think of all the things we could have done if it were not for those nasty women citizens making those requests for public records every time we almost pushed my agenda through! Fortunately, Lily’s well-known hatred of FOIA requests enabled me, as superintendent, to slow-walk them all and simply refuse to cough up documents that could have landed me us in trouble. And the Open Meeting Law complaints, Ay caramba!!!

I really appreciate how Lily and Jill voted to suspend the district regulation so we could get on with closing Gilbert Junior High School and give the campus to Gilbert Classical Academy. Charlie, you could have done better … your idea for a shared campus is one of the most ridiculous things anyone could have proposed, and now we’re stuck with it AND with the loudmouth GCA parents who still want more and more for their precious snowflakes.

Jill, don’t worry, I have set plans in motion for the Gifted Academy at Highland Junior High; Highland High School’s gifted academy will be next. I’m sorry it has taken so long, but I couldn’t move any faster because of the GCA mess. We’ll get some good laughs when the gifted academies poach students from GCA. ha ha

I really appreciate that Lily and Jill voted for me to become Superintendent. We all know that the whole GCA mess is due to my pinky promise to Julie about a new GCA campus, but remember, we really, really needed that third vote to hire me! I never figured out what motivated Daryl during his time on the board, and that’s probably why he was such a thorn in my side. Goodbye and good riddance to them both.

Our plan for the new $1.3 Million contract for new finance and human resources software that you approved for me in November 2014 has been wildly successful. First, I realize that I sprung that on you without warning, but I had such a wonderful idea! Second, I have managed to stretch the rollout of the payroll software through the end of 2016. That was not easy! It took a lot of doing to get rid of the support staffers who might have blown the whistle on our finance and human resources game plan, especially after my boyfriend Executive Director of Technology had to leave the district so suddenly. Whew!

We survived Steve’s sudden departure and elements now are in place for the magnificent schemes we devised. I have to laugh at how citizens tried to expose that a GPS server was wiped before former GPS superintendent Dave Allison left [so I could be hired, thanks!]. That was such child’s play in comparison to OUR magnificent scheme, but thankfully, Lily and Jill managed to keep a lid on it back then, thanks to the district’s long-time relationship with the Gilbert Police Department.

I feel I must acknowledge Lily Tram’s pivotal role in devising the Great Payday Melee — she figured out that if everyone took a two week vacation the week before we tried to run payroll on the new technology system, it would guarantee one payroll fiasco after another in 2016. This also was a great distraction from the announcement in October 2014 that the district had overspent by $15.3 Million and kept it a secret.

Lily’s experience as the ASU Director of Financial Services has been invaluable! Without her in-depth knowledge acquired as a Certified Government Financial Manager, it would have been much harder to *cook the books,* as the saying goes, especially after I didn’t get to hire my first choice as Chief Finance Officer. I know Tom Wohlleber puts you to sleep with his presentations, but that’s part of the grand scheme, because it lulls citizens into slumberland, too. Now, all we have to do is fire a few more people who work in Business Services and keep the IRS happy with the window-dressing tax report submissions Lily brainstormed for us. Thanks again, Lily!

Lily helped me come up with a plan to stem the student losses that are starting to make me look bad: Swag Bags! I will tell principals to take up collections of money from their subordinates for GPS logo items to give away in swag bags. We all know GPS teachers will go along with this plan because if they don’t contribute, their principal will rate them lower, and they’ll lose some of that taxpayer money that’s been set aside for teacher performance pay.

It still saddens my heart to think of all the projects that I could have spent those Prop 123 dollars on I could have won a lot of new friends in the construction trades if I had more money to spend on repurposing Mesquite Junior High School. Five million dollars doesn’t go as far as it used to! At least we bought buses and some vans from our pals at Santan Ford, who are so generous to the Gilbert Education Foundation.

Best wishes in the future, Lily. I’m sure your old friends at CORE Construction will miss your smiling face on the GPS dais. Maybe you can come up with some more great scams ideas to make some of those ASU employees love you … like you did for GPS!!


BCC: Alex, you know you deserve the award for Most Valuable Player. I worried a bit when your nice, persuasive talk with Charlie was picked up on a live mic and plastered all over the Internet. I’m counting on you to continue blocking the demands for new boundaries for district schools. I wouldn’t have put that item on the board’s goals for this year if I had known Lily wouldn’t carry the ball into the end zone.

PS: Work harder to scare the new board members about how they won’t be protected from lawsuits if they don’t do what the lawyers tell them to do (I’ll tell the lawyers what to say). These newbies seem to think THEY will be making decisions for the district!

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